One thing that really helps transitioning back to the daily grind (and it is a grind) of Institute is a good, cute student story.
I was eating breakfast with a few of my boy students this morning, when “Sadie”, a first grade student in our class, walks past our table to sit with her friends. The boys sighed, and one made an offhanded comment about how cute she is. The kids started to talk about crushes and whatnot, and my heart, which was becoming dangerously hard from the mountain of TFA-related paperwork and acronyms, began to melt again. There is nothing more pure in this world than a 1st grade crush.
After some hushed whispering, one of my students, “Carlos”, racked up the nerve to ask me a question. “Mr.Brown…do you have uh…have uh…do you have a Girlfriend?“
I hesitated for a second, wondering if perhaps I was about to cross some teacher-student line, but then decided to plow on through anyway. “Yeah, I do. But she lives in Ohio so you won’t get to meet her.”
My breakfast mates were incredulous. “She lives in Ohio?!? Isn’t that…like really far away?”
Don’t I know it Carlos. “Yes, it is very far away.”
Carlos fidgeted with his toast, then looked me in the eye. “It isn’t good to have your girlfriend live so far away Mr.Brown” he declared. I started to smile. You don’t know the half of it Carlos, but I appreciate your empathy….
But then he continued. “I think you should get another girlfriend here”.
I had to physically restrain myself from laughing out loud, although Carlos and his two compatriots saw nothing funny or unusual with this statement. “Carlos, that isn’t how it works. You only get one girlfriend at a time. You don’t get to have girlfriends in different states”.
The three boys wrinkled their noses. “That isn’t true Mr.Brown!” Then Carlos declared triumphantly “I have TEN girlfriends!” His seatmates, not to be outdone and lose important street cred, made even wilder pronouncements. “I have 12 girlfriends!” “I have fifteens!”
“Carlos, do these ten girls know that you are their boyfriend?”
Carlos finally became quiet for a moment, then took a drag from his orange juice. “Not all of them.”
Just then, the bell rang, and my students threw away their breakfasts and headed to class, saving me from having to a discussion that I am ill-qualified for. Course, it might be better for them to learn about monogamy now when they’re seven…might save them a slap in the face when they’re 17. Dammit, Mr.Brown was right! You’re only allowed to have ONE girlfriend!
Speaking of slaps though, not every story from my kids causes aww, how cuuuutes. I get just enough of the cute stories to stave off the frustration and bouts of self-loathing (why are you getting 40%s on your assessments? What am I screwing up?!?)…but they are all also sprinkled with hair-pulling moments.
Consider the ending of my math lesson today. By most metrics, it was going pretty well. My kids were super invested in the game we were playing, and my kids could recite the steps to solve an addition word problem in their sleep, even when that word problem was HARD MATH, and had two double digit numbers. However, one girl, Nikki, decided to take advantage of the goodwill the class had generated. In the few seconds that I had my back turned to erase the chalkboard, she proceeded to tell a joke to the boy sitting next to her. The joke went like this:
What did the five fingers say to the back of the head?
??
SLAAAAP! I’M NIKKI BIIIIAATCH!
That joke is a lot funnier when this guy tells it. When your 1st graders retell it in class, it loses a little something
When I turn back to the class, I see a little girl crying (the hitter), and two very confused boys (the hitee, and a witness). I had no idea what the hell happened, and nobody was in any hurry to talk. I frantically tried to take care of our end of lesson assessment as soon as possible, then whisked the three kids away for interviews.
Nikki, did you hit Hector? ….No…..
Hector, Ceasar….did Nikki hit Henry?……..Yes Mr.Brown. She hit him because Hector was slow going up to the whiteboard (I know, I’m confused at this point too).
This is when I quit the “good teacher” routine and go all Law and Order on the girl.
Look Nikki, I want to help you here, but you've got to help yourself. Either you admit that you smacked Hector, and we can move on with our lives, or you take your chances at the Principal's office. No, you can't go to the bathroom, and you don't get a phone call
Tears were shed, and chaos reigned. I was upset. By all indicators, it should have been a great lesson. My class average on my assessment was over an 80%, which is outstanding. My kids clearly understood the material, and loved the game. But one errant slap when my back was turned undermines the key idea that my classroom is safe. Plus, what are they going to remember from that lesson…how to solve a word problem, or the fact that a girl threw a punch? I hope that my swift discipline after the fact will nip this behavior in the bud, but I’m sure this is going to happen again in New Orleans.
Its hard. I’m becoming a little bit of a perfectionist. When I made a mistake at my old jobs, oh well…it usually only impacted me, or maybe a few other professionals. When I make a mistake here, I’m impacting over a dozen little kids, most of whom are already very behind, so the stakes are huge. I’ve only been teaching for three weeks, which means that mistakes are going to happen…but I’m having a harder time shaking them off than some of my peers. The stakes are too high to just write off screw ups as “something that happens”…and time is so short to fix them.
I leave Institute in a week or so….obviously a much better teacher than before I came, but also acutely aware of my many flaws, and a little worried about how I’ll fix them in time for my kids.
Its times like this that I wished I had ten girlfriends to comfort me.
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